OFFSTAGE -- The Actors of Pokémon, Parts 1-3
by Quill Xarxes
Summary: My very first fiction, but pretty good. It has 30 parts, I'll put them up a few at a time. I've gotten compliments from people, but it might not be your "thing" ^_^.


What Happens After Each Episode of Pokemon (Part 1)  
  
Cut! Cut! We'll finish this tomorrow OK? And James, could you  
please resist  
gagging after kissing Ash in the cheek?  
  
James: Well the kid doesn't wash his face!!!  
  
Ash: That's paint moron!  
  
James: Well it tastes terrible!  
  
Brock: Hey Jessie, wanna  
  
Jessie: NO.  
  
James: Ugh. This dress interferes with my artistic space!  
  
Jessie: Then take it off, the show's over!  
  
Ash, Brock, Misty and Meowth: Start to make kissing noises.  
  
Jessie: Feel the wrath of Team Rocket! (All four get clocked on the head.)  
  
James: Anyway, I'd better get home. Ack! I can't get this thing off!  
  
Officer Jenny: (Drives in on her motorcycle and pulls out a pair   
of handcuffs.) Hey! No hentai stuff! I'm gonna have to take you  
in!  
  
James: Oh give me a break. You aren't a real Police Officer!  
  
Officer Jenny: I know! I just always wanted to say that!  
  
Brock: Hey, Officer Jenny, wanna  
  
Officer Jenny: NO.  
  
Ash: (Wipes his face with his sleeve to get the paint off, but  
intead jumps up, arms  
flailing and eyes squeezed shut.) AUGH! MY EYES! THE PAINT GOT   
IN MY EYES!  
  
Brock: OK, what we do now is...  
  
Misty: OH SHUT UP! Do you even HAVE eyes?  
  
Butch and Cassidy: (walk in) Hi we're the new guys! What's happening?  
  
Misty: Go Away! Can't you see we're in the middle of a crisis here?  
  
Brock: Hey Misty, you wanna  
  
Misty: NO.  
  
Butch: Well, Um, I'm Butch, and this is Cassidy.  
  
Meowth: Here. Have a Losenge.  
  
Butch: What? Why?  
  
Jessie: Just take it. Trust me.  
  
Brock: Hey Cassidy, wanna  
  
Cassidy: NO.  
  
Nurse Joy: (Comes in to tend to Ash's eye.) I normally work on   
Pokemon, but you  
shouldn't be too much different.  
  
Brock: Hey, Joy, you wanna  
  
Nurse Joy: (Turns around so fast that one of the loops in her   
hair wraps around Ash's  
neck, choking him.) Young man, this in not the time or the   
place! (She turns around,  
only to find that Ash is dead from lack of air.) Darn! Not   
again! Now we have to find a  
new Ash!  
  
Pikachu: (Jumps up on James' shoulder, and whispers something to him in Pokemon.)  
  
James: That's a very good idea!  
  
Jessie: What are you gonna do?  
  
James: Get drunk and hang ourselves.  
  
Jessie: You're not serious are you?  
  
James: Yes. All except the hanging part. That would take to   
much energy and I don't  
think I have enough rope.  
  
Misty: (Whispers to Brock.) I can just see James and Pikachu   
coming to work tomorrow  
in a hangover again.  
  
Brock: Maybe he'll get fired again.  
  
Gary: (Walks in) I have an everlasting image in my head of James   
with a bottle of booze  
and Pikachu with a bottle of Vanilla Extract.  
  
James: Ha! At least I'm old enough to drink! Dammit! I am   
stuck in this dress! I think  
the costume designers do this on purpose!  
  
Gary: Leave in it! You might end up making some cash!  
  
Jessie: I'd pay for you!  
  
Meowth: (Waves around a sign with hentai written on it) WARNING! WARNING!  
  
Brock: Hey, Pikachu, you wanna  
  
James: (Gives Brock a nasty look)  
  
Brock:OK, OK, Enough said.  
  
Jessie: Come on. I'll help you. You really disturb me in that thing.  
  
Meowth: Pikachu, maybe you shouldn't go home tonight...  
  
Misty: Do you think Jessie will keep James away from the liquor cabinet tonight?  
  
All: NO.  
  
--------------------------------------------------------------  
  
The Next Morning (Part 2)  
  
Gary: IheardthatJameswenthomewithJessielastnightdidyouhearthesamething?  
YouknowI'mnottheonetospreadrumorsbut (Takes another sip of his   
coffee) thiswassomethingtobizarretopassup!   
  
Brock: Hey, Misty, you wanna  
  
Misty: NO.  
  
Meowth: Let me knock some sense into that pea-sized, caffeine   
pumped brain of yours… THERE AIN'T NOTHIN GOIN ON BETWEEN JESSIE AND JAMES!  
  
Gary: Really?BecauseIsawthemgoonthesamebusandgetoffatthesametime…  
  
Brock: Hey Meowth, you wanna  
  
Meowth: WOULD YOU KNOCK IT OFF!  
  
Jessie: (Walks in) So, how's everything going?  
  
Ash: Everything's fine!  
  
All: (Gasp)  
  
Jessie: I THOUGHT YOU WERE DEAD!!!  
  
Ash: What? I thought this was the sequel! Isn't it?  
  
Misty: Yes it is.  
  
Ash: SEE?!  
  
Misty: Anyway, Where the hell is James?!!?!!?  
  
Gary: Probably stoned in a gutter. ANY BETS?  
  
James: (Walks in)  
  
Pikachu: (Comes in with an earring, a cigarette, and a leather   
jacket with a skull on the back)  
  
James: Um, Pikachu has been going through a mid-life crisis…  
  
Ash: (Smirk) I'm putting some NASTY stuff on my cheek for you James!  
  
James: HA! There has been a change of schedule! Today you'll   
be doing the scene where you dance around in your underwear!  
  
Ash: This is ALL your doing!  
  
James: It pays to know the creator dudes!  
  
Gary: Anyway, what took you guys so long???  
  
Jessie: Doing something good. I gave blood.  
  
James: Trying to find Pikachu, I ended up finding him at the Body Art Parlor.  
  
Pikachu: (Reveals a tattoo of a bloody skull on his tail.)  
  
Ash: James, How could you let Pikachu do that!?!?  
  
James: I didn't LET Pikachu do that! I didn't know where he went!  
  
Gary: He was probably stoned in a gutter….  
  
James: THAT ONLY HAPPENED ONCE!  
  
Brock: Twice.  
  
James: Whatever. And it wasn't this morning!  
  
Ash: HA! Pay up!  
  
Gary: Oh geez.  
  
---------------------------------------------------------------  
  
PART 3,  
THE TRUTH ABOUT JAMES AND ROSES  
  
Pikachu: PIKA! (shows James his hand of cards)  
  
James: GAA!  
  
Ash: Is your rat cheating you out of booze money again?  
  
Pikachu: PIKA CHU PI PIKA CHU! (I'm not cheating.)  
  
Brock: Hey, Misty, Wanna  
  
Misty: NO.  
  
Ash: It starts.  
  
Jessie: (Walks in with yet another bandage on her arm.)   
  
Gary: You must have a lot of blood Jessie.  
  
Jessie: I may ~play~ a bad guy, but I'm still a GOOD GIRL!  
  
Everyone: (Looks at James)  
  
James: What?  
  
Brock: Hey, Ash, wanna  
  
Ash: Are you REALLY THAT DESPERATE???  
  
Brock: NO.  
  
Jessie: So what do we do today?  
  
Ash: You two do the usual bland Team Rocket act.  
  
James: Do I have to carry a rose? I hate them things!  
  
Cassidy: How could you hate such a beautiful flower?  
  
James: (Rolls up his sleeves) You see these scars all over my arms???  
  
Gary: YOU'RE A SELF MUTILATOR TOO???  
  
James: No peabrain! Each one of these is from when one of   
those "beautiful flowers" has broken through my skin, causing me   
to go through torture EVERY DAY AT WORK!!! Do you know how that   
feels?  
  
Gary: Well you must be used to it by now…  
  
James: GET USED TO THIS! (Throws one of his roses at Gary, who   
ducks, sending the flying flower straight into Ash's skull)  
  
Gary: OH MY GOD! YOU KILLED ASH!  
  
James: (Screams girlishly) AHHH! I'm a criminal! (Runs out of the room)  
  
Gary: Where'd he go?  
  
Brock: To get drunk.  
  
Jessie: Poor guy. I'd better go cheer him up. (She smiles coyly.)  
  
Butch: Yeah you better!  
  
(Everyone cringes at the sound of Butch's voice)  
  
Butch: WHAT???   
  
Later-----  
  
Officer Jenny: You better be telling me EVERYTHING you know!  
  
Misty: James threw a rose at him. THAT'S IT!  
  
Brock: (Starts to giggle)  
  
Misty: What is it?  
  
Brock: You know how Jessie went to cheer James up?  
  
Misty: Yeah. So?   
  
Brock: I'm thinking, maybe she really wanted to have  
  
Ash: (Slams his hand over Brock's mouth) YOU KNOW QUILL DOESN'T TYPE LIKE THAT!!!  
  
Officer Jenny: (Gasp) You're alive!  
  
Ash: Yeah? OH SHIT! IT'S STILL ONLY PART 3!!! Sorry! (Dies again)  
  
Misty: (Pauses) OK that was odd.  
  



End file.
